It is Sunday evening, I just finished watching Games of Thrones. I am settling back into normal life, I spent that last several days at the Readers Studio, Tarot conference here in New York. This was my third time attending and my first time being on staff with the conference.
Reflecting on this year’s conference, I would have to say it was one of the most profound and heavy of the three I have been a part of. The theme of the conference this year centered around fear and the shadow (I am not sure if this was intentional or not). The three main stage presenters, Heatherleigh Navarre, Sasha Graham and Barbara Moore weaved together, and building on the other’s presentation that had for myself a
What I took away the most came out of Sasha’s “The Shadow Self, the Shadow Tarot Deck and the 9th Gate of Fear” master class. In this we picked three cards we loved and three cards we loathed. We then had to take the cards we loved and find how we wield the darkest/negative worst part of the card against others and myself.
One of the cards I loved was the 4 of Wands. I love it cause the people are happy, duh. When it came time to find the shadow side, it took a minute but it hit me. I wield the shadow side when I do not allow myself to be happy for the successes I achieve. Meaning, that when I achieve something that ought to be celebrated, I devalue it, and don’t embrace the full depth and meaning of the success.
Case in point, my book Tarot: Unlocking the Arcana made its big big debut at Readers Studio and it sold out fast on Thursday’s Tarot & Psychology conference. All throughout the conference people told me how impressed they were with the book and how impressed they were with what I have been able to do. However, I don’t fully see it or grasp what I have done or can do. I finally realized that. This also happens in other areas of my life, and now I see it more clearly and know to work on not putting myself down on the work I am doing. I think in part it is I expect more from myself, to do more in a shorter amount of time.
Try it for yourself, pull a card you love from your deck, then look inside the card, find the negative, darkest, worst part of the card and ask how do you use it against yourself.
My new mantra “I am a bad ass”.